Rhinorrhea?!

Rain- Heaven opens its door and showers blessings on us wrapped in little droplets of water. The best buy this season, besides an umbrella, is a medical dictionary. Why? Let me sketch a picture for you. Let’s say you feel a little unwell and decide to go to a doctor; with so many new viruses around you don’t want to take a chance. Being a question of your health, you decide you deserve the best and do a research of all the doctors in the city and pick one. The long list of qualifications behind his name and the fact that he has worked in many hospitals abroad and even taught in premier institutes, impresses you. As you enter the clinic, you are convinced you made the right choice. The place looks professional, the waiting area is tastefully done with chic furniture and the attendant is unusually courteous. You are called in and as you enter the doctor’s room, you are greeted by a distinguished looking gentleman. He leads you to the examination bed. As he examines you and scribbles on his form, you see an array of expressions cross his face, and none of them are reassuring. He frowns, then arches an eyebrow, then shakes his head, tch-tch’s and turns to have a hushed discussion with his assistant. Curiosity getting the better of you, you lean out to get a sneak peak at his form. Squinting at his illegible writing, all you manage to read is Rhinorrhea before he turns his attention back to you. As he examines you further, teary eyed you think about your life, just the day before you were happily walking down the road, as soft rain drops kissed your face, enjoying your favourite ice cream and today? Today you have Rhinorrhea!!  Whatever that is!  Some virus passed on to humans by rhinoceros, perhaps?? You sniff back a tear as you try to figure out what it could be and the doctor signals you to follow him to his desk. Crestfallen, you obey him.


You ask him what the problem is and soon learn that you never ever question a doctor and just follow what he says. Clearly not a person who entertains questions, he looks up irritated, takes a deep breath and tells you, “You have an upper respiratory tract viral infection, inflammation of the pharynx, a case of rhinorrhea and inflammation of the paranasal sinuses!” All this sounds Greek and Latin to you and as you blink trying to digest what he was saying, you think of good old DD News, and how they used to have a translator and start wishing, there was someone there to translate so that you at least know, what is going to kill you. You glance at your reflection on the glass door; you see your swollen face and again sniff back a tear. Panic grips you and your heart suddenly starts beating fast and your hands and legs go cold. You tell the doctor the same and that’s the cue he needs. He quickly writes out a note for a list of tests (after all, someone has to pay for all the apparatus he has invested crores of money in and what better way than make every patient use it?) and thrusts it in your hand and sends you off, with his artificially overfriendly assistant.

As you go from one test to another, your whole life flashes in front of you. Your daily horoscope had mentioned that you need to pay close attention to your health or face dire consequences. But the week before, it had also said you would win the lottery but apparently, lady destiny had conveniently overlooked that bit of information!! You are finally presented with the bill, which includes the doctor’s fee, fee for the tests and gratitude tip for the staff (you did have a feeling that the over sweetness of the attendant and assistant didn’t come for free). Seeing the bill, your heart lurches and races like a drunken F1 racer and you feel dizzy again, but this time you decide to keep this bit of information to yourself, lest they send you off to warm another apparatus, which has been lying unused in some corner of the clinic. You start wishing you had in fact won the lottery. After putting your credit card through a very heavy swipe, you drag yourself to the chemist. You show him the form and the prescription. “So you have cold, sore throat, runny nose and sinusitis, eh?” he asks smiling, “Lots of that going around these days. Don’t worry, this doctor prescribes the best medicine, they are a little expensive but you’ll soon be as fit as a fiddle” As your eyes widen in disbelief, you realize you have spent your entire month’s salary on a runny nose, sorry, Rhinorrhea!!

Mars vs Venus

God created man and felt there was something missing, so he went ahead and created a woman. Men and Women. Yin and Yang. Perfect equilibrium. At least that’s what god thought but turns out, it’s not one of his best decisions. What was meant to create balance has led to a never ending war - gender war.


Women often crib about men and men have their own complaints about women.

What men have never understood about women:

1. Why women ask life altering questions only during the last ten minutes of a nail biting match.
The term life altering is used, ‘cause, try not answering her quickly enough and you will find not just your life, but in all probability, a part of your face also altered.

2. Why women say no when they mean yes and yes when they mean no.
Warning: this logic is applicable only by women. Never make the mistake of trying this at home. When asked, ‘is she prettier than me?’ your reply better not be a ‘yes’ (meaning no) unless you want to wake up in a hospital bed, with your hands and legs in a sling.

3. Why women take so long to dress up.
A woman needs a clear two hours heads up, to even decide what to wear. The best part is, a woman can use the entire make up in the world and dress up all she wants, but to a man, she won’t look any different, than how she did the previous day.

4. Why women can never decide.
Ask her a simple question like whether she would like to eat out, she will say, last time she checked she had put on some weight but she can always exercise and burn the calories so it shouldn’t be a problem but then again it might rain so going out might not be a bright idea but she loves the rain but what is more important is your health but she is too bored to cook but the restaurant might not be clean but if that’s what you want…(and it goes on)

5. How women never tire talking.
Language was, very obviously, created by women. Since they ran out of words in one, they decided to develop another and so now, we have a hundred and eight different languages. If all the energy women use in talking, in one day is harnessed, it can supply electricity to the entire world for a day.


What women have never understood about men:

1. Why men always find only their mother’s cooking to be the best.
You can slog all you want over a hot stove, you might even put Sanjeev Kapoor to shame, but when you diligently trek through his stomach to his heart, you will find that a flag has already been very firmly lodged there, waving proudly.

2. Why men are so blatant.
Discreetness is a virtue and when it was being distributed, man was busy watching a cricket match. Never tell him what the nickname of your boss is, because the next time they meet, he just might figure out why you call him that, and laughingly pat you on your shoulder and congratulate you on your wit, in front of your (not so amused) boss.

3. Why men never realize when a woman is angry.
You can shoot arrows with your eyes, but all the glares in the world, will still only prompt a silly clueless smile on his face, along with a request for a hot cuppa coffee (further fueling your anger.)

4. Why men can’t remember dates.
A man will promptly tell you the exact score a cricketer (whose name you have never even heard of) scored twenty years ago, in some city level match, but on your birthday/anniversary, far from wishing you, he will declare his plan for a boy’s night out with his friends, with the same smile (ref., point 3)

5. Why men are poor listeners.
Most of the morning conversations will be with the newspaper and occasionally a hand, which will jump out from behind it and quickly grab the cup of coffee on the table, before retiring quietly. If the paper is not interesting enough, then the head buried in it, might make a quick appearance now and then, to give a nod.

It is said that opposites attract, they sure do...they attract trouble (and how!).
Men will never understand women and women will never let men understand them.
And so the battle continues…

Wedding (Warning!) Bells

When you look at engaged couples, they seem to be in a world of their own. With stars in their eyes, they have a faint smile lingering around their lips perennially and they stare blankly into space, probably thinking of their beloved. Later, you see the same couple, using each others photos for darts practice. So what happens in between? Well, the big fat Indian wedding happens, in between. Weddings are joyous occasions, well, at least for the people who attend it. For the bride and groom it’s more of an eye opener. Indian weddings, especially South Indian weddings, last a minimum of two days. The rituals are so designed, as to test the endurance and intentions of the boy and girl. What is the state of mind of a bride and groom on the day of their marriage?


In a north Indian wedding, the groom is made to sit on a bejeweled horse and taken to the venue of the wedding. The wedding party is led by a band to whose tunes the baraathis dance. The horse, though scrawny and wheezing under the weight of the groom, still provides a decent enough getaway, if the groom changes his mind. All he would have to do, is kick it once with his sharp tipped shoes and the horse will run for its (and the groom’s) life and wont stop, until it’s a safe distance away. Our south Indian grooms on the other hand, are not so fortunate. The horse is replaced by a car and this car is carefully picked from a vintage collection. If the groom imagines he can make a quick, James Bond style getaway in a slick new car, then he can kiss his dreams goodbye. The car chosen is more like Archie’s jalopy, which will run a few meters and then has to be pushed for the next few. Seated in this car, the groom is taken to a temple with all pomp and show, to seek the blessings of God (which he most definitely will need!)

While all this is happening, the bride is distracted with new clothes and jewellery, and she more than willingly bites the bait. Women love to dress up and what they love more, is when people compliment them (how else do you think the dude got her to agree for marriage?) Basking in all the attention, so engrossed are they in dressing and posing for photos, that they have no time to think what they are getting into. Once the groom is brought back from the temple, the customary plates with beetle leaves and nuts and fruits are exchanged and an official announcement of the marriage to take place is made.

On the second day, the bride and groom have to fast, till they officially become husband and wife. The groom, having slept little, owing to the pangs of panic in his stomach, already starts to feel a little dizzy. He is then forced into a dhoti, which is tied in a special style (pancha kacchum) separately wound around each leg. This uncomfortable style is deliberately chosen, for what comes next. He is handed an umbrella, a walking stick and a Bhagavad-Gita. The next ritual (kasi yatra), involves the groom pretending to leave without marrying, and his would be father-in- law, convincing him to return back and marry his daughter. This is the second and last chance the groom gets, to make a run for it. Panic now taking over, leaving all pretence behind, the groom tries to make a break for the gate. Using the walking stick as leverage, he tries to scramble ahead as quickly as possible, but unfortunately his attire hampers his speed and his father-in-law catches up with him very soon. As freedom calls out to him, he longingly gives it one last glance, before the firm hands of his father-in-law guide him back to the marriage hall. Oblivious to all this, the bride is busy blushing and giving the groom shy smiles.The bride and groom are then made to exchange garlands.They are then made to sit on the traditional swing and its gentle sway soothes his frayed nerves a little.

The marriage ceremony begins. The bride’s hair is adorned with fragrant flowers and she is decked with sparkling jewellery to match her glow. She is then draped in a nine yard sari(madisaar) which is tied in almost the same style as the groom’s dhoti. As she steps on to the dais and looks around, she realizes her posse has deserted her and she is no more the center of attention. Her heart sinking a little, she looks at the groom for some reassurance. The hyperventilating groom on the other hand, has problems of his own, as he is busy trying to steady his trembling hand, with which he is performing the rituals. The smoke from the fire burns her eyes and as tears start to flow, she looks at the groom for help. Romance now out of the window, the guy, who once looked like Ranbir Kapoor to her, now looks more like Shakti Kapoor. Horror stricken and confused she blinks her eyes to clear them and as she tries to clumsily(thanks to the sari) get off the dais, people appear out of nowhere and whisk her away for the kanyadaan. As she sits on her father’s lap and the sacred thread is tied around her neck (by a reluctant groom) amidst the noise of drums, both realize that their fate is now sealed. They then trudge around the fire, like martyrs, making the seven promises, while wondering how they had managed to get themselves into this.

Hunger having deserted them, they sit in front of their first meal for the day, forlorn and trapped, looking contemptuously at the people around them, who are now heartily congratulating each other, for having successfully ambushed these innocent victims, into holy matrimony. Ever seen the bride and groom at a reception? They stand five feet apart. Having lost the rose tinted glasses, through which they saw each other before marriage, they now experience the first after effect of marriage : an irrepressible desire to be single again.

Maid in 2010

The biggest woe of women today? No, it’s not their husbands (they come a close second, though), it’s their maids. House help have existed for a long time, but seems like they are no more, a help. The modern maid has far more important things on her mind, than to help you with daily chores. Hiring a maid is no different from corporate hiring. Apart from salary, she has to be given certain perks if you want to retain her. Considering the demand and supply, the negotiating power is clearly in her hands. A maid is high maintenance, so commit to her only if you can afford to provide fancy sarees (and mind you, they have to be new, not your hand down’s), home appliances, school fees for her kids, latest gadgets etc and not to forget a big fat bonus. If the following is a regular account in your daily log, then beware, seems like your human resource is depleting you off all your resources (physical, mental and financial)


Your life is dictated by her schedule. She decides when she can spare time for you and you have to make yourself available then. You can’t expect to go out peacefully. Checking your watch a million times, you begin to understand how Cinderella must have felt. As the hand moves closer to the given time, heart pounding you rush home. Caught in traffic, little beads of perspiration start to form on your forehead, as you think of her wrath and how she is going to make you pay (or rather clean) for it. Even the sight of your family, whom you haven’t seen for twenty years, won’t bring you as much joy, as seeing your maid waiting at your door step, will.

Her attitude is no less than that of a movie star. She religiously turns up much later than the appointed time and some times just not turn up at all. Hard pressed for time and having waited long enough for her, you start scrubbing the pile of dirty dishes (a lot harder than necessary) when you hear the doorbell. Opening the door, you see that she has finally decided to grace your house with her presence. Instead of hastening to work, she strolls in swishing her designer sari. You start giving her instructions and her phone (a high end model) starts buzzing. Signing to give her a minute, she takes the call and saunters off to the balcony, to chat in privacy. Irritated you get back to the dishes as her giggles float through the air. After a good twenty minutes, she lazily returns back to work, by when you would have almost finished the dishes.

Pleased to see half her work done, she makes up her mind to try to finish the rest, that is provided it’s your lucky day, cause her friend might just turn up to distract her further. She then picks up the mop, humming her favourite song, and stylishly tosses it around on the floor, leaving the dust and dirt as it is and whatever little dust the mop manages to touch, she safely tucks it away under your furniture. While she does her shabby work, you can’t rest either, having to prepare coffee for her according to her taste. You need to be careful what you feed her as well, if it doesn’t suit her refined taste buds, she won’t hesitate to criticize your culinary skills and worse, take a day off complaining of food poisoning.

Irritation builds in you, as you follow her around showing her how to do things and try to get work done. It’s important that you watch how you speak to her, one harsh word or rise in tone and she will walk out that door and never look back. Women fear their maid far more than they fear their mother in law. After all the hard work, what adds insult to irritation is when a courier guy rings the bell and on seeing you (looking run down; hair disheveled, hands covered with soap, soiled pajamas) and her (looking immaculate; designer sari, painted nails, neatly combed hair and a touch of bright lipstick) is confused as to who the lady of the house is!

As you close the door behind her and pop a blood pressure pill, you wonder if she is actually worth all this trouble.

Unsolicited "Labour"

I was reading this article, where people were asked what it is, that they find only in India and not elsewhere in the world. Someone said istri wallas; someone said the ease with which you can become an entrepreneur and someone else spoke about how you can drop into anyone’s house without calling. One thing which came to my mind was, the beggars. They are found in other countries too, but the kind in India is a class apart.


Anywhere you go, there they are; on the road, in traffic signals, in parks, outside hotels. These people are very smart and know how to influence a person’s psyche. A visit to the temple is meant to rejuvenate our mind and give us positive vibes, but instead we are at the risk of being cursed for life, if we fail to drop a penny into the cups of the many beggars, neatly lined outside. They don’t have it easy though. Most people won’t contribute towards all the cups and facing such tough competition, they need to differentiate themselves. This calls for a mixture of good observation and some mind reading, with the help of which they come up with unique and customized threats, the fear of which coming true, will force a person to drop a penny.

Once you step out of the temple, you are still not rid of them. Seeing how lucrative this job is, these people train their kids right from a young age. The incorrigible munchkins raid parking lots, like little pirates out to get their loot. They lie right across a bike seat, refusing to get off until they are given money. They even lie on the road, in front of vehicles, like martyrs, refusing to budge. Like puppies they follow you around and harass you to the core. But the harassment we face, is still less as compared to the one faced by foreign tourists. Tugging at their clothes, grabbing their bags, pulling the flowers from their head, these people show, that they have indeed, evolved from monkeys.

You can’t even expect to enjoy a train ride peacefully. Once they enter, they will strategically seat themselves in the middle of each section, so that they can give all the people there, an equal share of their time. They keep waving their palms, juggling with change, in front of your nose. And if you try to look the other side, you will have the pleasure of feeling, creepy long fingers with dirty yellow nails, scratch your legs and hearing, a sinister hoarse whisper calling out to you. Now if that doesn’t psyche you enough to contribute, they have a plan B. Following them, appear a group of “singers”, carrying a harmonium. If you see them coming, you better run for cover (jumping off the train, is another option) Cats scratching their claws against the wall sound far more soothing than this loud, absolutely discordant, noisy group. In a bid to save your ear drums (and your sanity) you will finally have to give in and pay them off. And pay them off how! These arrogant people will not accept just any denomination of change. If given anything less than five rupees, they will give you such a look, that will make you feel like crawling under the seat, in shame.

I heard that a beggar here, touted as the richest beggar, has a monthly income of over a lakh and was even interviewed in some local news channel. Such is the status of a beggar in our country. Loads of money and no taxes. They live in seemingly broken down huts, which on the inside, is nothing less than a king’s castle, furnished with all the latest electronic gadgets. They also carry latest cell phones (they probably even have a caller support system, which would assist a distressed beggar, by giving him tips on how to harass money out of a particularly adamant ‘client’). Looking at how advanced and smart these people are and how they continuously train and sharpen their skill, I wouldn’t be surprised if they make it to the skilled workers list and soon become eligible for a visa. Well, Mr. Obama, I guess you have a new worry now.

Free India

With Independence Day around the corner, it makes me look back on these 63 years of freedom. What would Gandhiji say if he were alive today? Would he be happy seeing the state of affairs now? Have we lived up to the expectations of those thousands of people, who sacrificed their precious lives, just so that we could take a breath of air freely? What have we achieved with the freedom we have got? A recent ad (or a public message of sorts) shows a woman, being questioned on what freedom means to her, and her answer is a long list of what’s wrong with the country.


Needless to say, corruption is the first thing which pops to everyone’s mind when we think of India today. Bribery is no more an under the table affair. People now have the freedom, to blatantly ask for bribes for work, which in any case forms a part of their duty and for which they receive a salary. We can’t imagine getting a decent education without shelling out some extra cash. Donation is the new name given to it, to make it sound respectable. It is something that we have come to accept.

While on the subject of education, it’s disheartening to see that even today, girls in many parts of the country are deprived of basic education. Dowry harassment, child marriage, sati are practices, which are still prevalent. People have the freedom to subject women to such atrocities, without any fear or remorse. While women are claimed to be matching strides with men, there exists another reality, which we choose to turn our face away from. Women empowerment seems to be a lost dream.

Given the kind of growth India has seen over the past half a century, it’s a shame that we still depend on reservations and quotas. Does that mean that the growth has not been uniform? Are the rich getting richer and poor getting poorer? Or is it a simple truth; that we are not ready to give up something which gives us an easy way in?

Despite being an agricultural state, it’s sad that we are sold sub- standard food items, while the superior ones are reserved for export. Adulterated food is common and it’s always a risk which we quietly take. Black marketers are free to hoard goods and we have no choice but to pay through our nose and purchase the same.

We don’t tire singing songs of our unity, which finally helped overthrow the British. Now we are far from united. Each state wants autonomy. Everyone wants to rule. The country is being torn into bits. Though we claim to be secular, the communal riots that take place every now and then, have a different story to tell. Earlier we were oppressed by the British. Now they have been replaced by other factors. We were oppressed then, we are oppressed now. So what have we gained from Independence?

Agreed, we may have got Independence and the freedom is being used for all the wrong purposes. At the same time, I can’t help but think that if I’m writing my thoughts here, it’s because of the rights, that Independence has given me. We are free to, say what we want, do what we want and go where we want. Though there is a lot we wish were different, we also need to be thankful for what we have. People put their lives at stake, because they believed, that this country had much more potential than what it was being made into. We need to be thankful to them, who fought, just so that we (people completely unrelated and unknown to them) could enjoy freedom. They fought, so that we could at least have a chance to make a difference today. The least we can do is acknowledge and respect their contribution. The least we can do is put aside our cynicism, and do our bit, however small, to make our country a better place; to take it at least an inch closer to their dream.

Enc-roach-ment

It was a hot summer night. The mercury was rising steadily and the fan over head provided no respite from the heat. Not withstanding the heat, I got out of bed to get a drink of water. Fortunately, the fridge had a small bottle, filled with ice cold water. As the water trickled down my throat, I felt my body cool down a bit. Relieved, I dragged myself to bed, still half asleep. And that’s when I saw it.


There are very few things I’m scared of in this world. Even as a kid, no one could bully me. I have stood up to teachers in school, twice my size, when it was considered a taboo to even talk back to them. Having said that, I must give credit to one of nature’s creatures, about an inch or so long, which can make me jump, run, dance and what not; all this with just one swish of its antenna. Yup, I’m talking about the invincible cockroach. Cockroaches have crawled over the earth since the first man (probably even before him). Uninvited guests, they take over your house and refuse to move out. I read somewhere that cockroaches are probably the only creatures which have not evolved much over the centuries (Yes, I did read up on them… you know what they say; keep your friends close and your enemies closer). Despite having evolved slowly they have terrorized the world, just imagine if they had evolved normally with us; they would probably be ruling the world by now. Makes you want to shudder, isn’t it?

Far from shudder, my stiff muscles had become incapable of any movement, having spotted a roach on my night stand. Earlier, I had wished that the heat would lessen, but drained of all heat, I was nothing close to relieved. Wide awake now, I frantically looked around for something to help me. The breeze from the window right above my night stand was gently pushing the curtain over it. Irritated at being disturbed, the roach turned around, to face me. Petrified, I reached down to grasp the first thing I could lay my hands on. My fingers touched cold steel and I picked it up, slowly. My eyes, having now adjusted to the dimness, saw, what seemed to be a canister of mosquito spray. Having found my weapon, my confidence returned. This roach, had dared to encroach my sacred corner and I wasn’t going to let it get away with it. The cockroach meanwhile, having witnessed all this, had made plans of its own, its antennae twitching rapidly. Battle lines were drawn. I waited for a few seconds and then went for my kill.

What followed was not the outcome I had hoped for. As I lunged forward, the roach leapt off the stand and the spray barely touched it. These agile little pests move around, with no more sense of direction than a bolt of lightening. Bewildered, I looked down to try and find it and realized to my horror that it was headed straight for my feet! My behaviour had been far from friendly and it had marked its target.

As I discovered later, pitch is directly proportional to the extent of fear (This new theory, is my humble contribution to the science of acoustics). Involuntarily I jumped onto my bed, closed my eyes and let out the shrillest shriek possible. I heard a thud and then, silence. Light filtering through my lids, prompted me to open them. As I blinked to adjust to the brightness, I saw some very upset faces. Yup, raised eyebrow and clenched teeth could mean only that. As I was being reprimanded, I looked around on the ground. The roach was gone. It was probably hiding away in some dark corner of the room, smirking, waiting to strike again.

Ms. Contagious Smile

A classmate of mine got married a few days back. The best way to describe her would probably be by saying ‘one of a kind’. As I was reading her invitation, which was as unusual as her (a tiny pyramid, which would open to reveal, a small roll of silk paper with the invite printed on it) I couldn’t help but think, of the little time that we had spent together.


I’m sure everyone has had this one person in their class, who was bindas, unshakable and always ready to have fun. She represented that prototype in my class. She would ask the weirdest of doubts in the middle of lectures, get her assignments muddled up, forget to complete her project despite million reminders, get late to class having found a friend to chat en-route, in the corridor (and she had many of them), complete any work at the last minute and her reaction to being questioned on all this, would be a brilliant smile! (She does have good teeth) Now who could argue with that? Besides, she was very good with her words; she could talk on end till the person forgot what the problem was in the first place! Nothing would shake her. In fact, the lecturers were pretty shaken by her, their angry glares and empty threats, left her unimpressed. Not being able to intimidate her, they had to finally give in.

When we were dying of Monday morning blues, she would enter the class (a good twenty minutes late) as fresh as a daisy, with her radiant smile. A born salesman, she could sell ice to an Eskimo. She was very good at convincing people and once she made up her mind she was very persistent. So it was no big surprise that she would manage to bring, the maximum sponsorships for college events.

Whenever anyone had a need for speed, she was the person they would turn to. No one ever knew when she entered and when she left the college premises. All anyone heard was the purr of an engine starting, and once the dust settled, all they saw was a blurry figure at a distance, her curly hair kissing the winds, being the only give away.

I met her after her wedding. She was very demurely dressed; salwar kameez, the sacred chain, toe ring et al. It’s been years and now being somebody’s wife she must have become more responsible, I told myself. We were chit chatting about this and that, when the shrill rings of her phone interrupted us. She looked at her phone to see who it was and immediately bit her lip. “Oops, I forgot my husband is waiting for me” she said, flashing her famous pearly whites. I couldn’t help but grin. Some people never change (and thank god for that!! :-))

In-flu-ential Times

Guess what is back in town… yup, it’s The Flu! “Love is in the air” crooned a guy on a stereo over my head, as I was taking a casual stroll in a mall recently. That’s not the only thing in the air dude, I thought with a smile. This is a really horrible season health wise, but if you look closely you might find it amusing some times.

Everywhere you go you see people with covered faces. Militants can easily go unnoticed. This season poses a major challenge for the fashion conscious; after all, no one can look gorgeous in a surgeons mask. This has led many to fashion a mask from fancy scarves, which they wrap around their face, as they trot around in their high heels. Now, how that serves the purpose they alone know but they definitely brighten up a place with the I-dream-of-genie-look.

Another group this season is hard on is people in love. It sure must be hard to whisper sweet nothings from behind a mask. For one, your beloved might not hear you and for another, you might propose a romantic ride in a carriage and she might just think you proposed marriage. Careful guys, better hold on to any proposals until ‘the air clears’! This drastic drop in PDA, has given the moral police a chance to lay down their arms and take a vacation. I’m sure no one is complaining!

We city folks have become extremely paranoid. Having lost faith in our immunity, we always step out of the house like we are entering a war zone. Anywhere you go, people eye you suspiciously. If you reach into your pocket for a tissue, you can almost hear gasps and while some people scatter for cover, the braver few maintain a five feet radius.

The mall was noisy as usual and as I turned a corner my nose tingled, in a second I realized with panic, what I was about to do. I tried not to breathe but it was too late. Defeated, I gave in and closed my eyes and did the worst thing you possibly could in such times- sneeze! I didn’t dare open my eyes for a few seconds, although I could almost feel the piercing looks I was getting. There was complete silence, no one moved (Or so I imagined) When I finally did open my eyes, I saw the lady standing in front of me, horror stricken, pulling her small kid closer to her and hurrying off, but not before giving me a look, which was a mixture of disdain and fear (Guess, a simple “bless you” is too much to expect these days!) The kid however, waved me a goodbye with a smile, or so I’m assuming cause I couldn’t see his expression behind his mask.

When you think of mothers, the first thought that crosses your mind is gentle, caring beings. Well, think again! New age moms are no less than warriors, especially if the kid is under ten years of age. They never step out without their ammunition of sanitizers, mosquito repellent creams, air disinfectant, decongestant and a million other sprays. (Noticed how the handbag sizes have become bigger over the last few years? It’s all thanks to this new, over obsessive brigade.) Not only that, they wont hesitate to hurt anyone either. They have trained their ears to catch sound waves with such precision, that it would put a dog to shame. The faintest sound of a sneeze or a cough far away is enough to spur them into action. Much like a rugby player, they head straight for the goal line (being the exit), clutching the kid, trampling anyone on the way( those huge handbags can cause some serious damage). Their little soldiers can’t dream of stepping out, without their layers of clothes, sweater, socks, scarf, gloves, mittens etc. A latest addition to this is the mask. As such, kids nowadays have no idea what fresh air means and you further stifle them with masks! The oxygen deprived kid, then has to endure listening to his mother’s complaints to others that he never puts on weight! Can you blame him, given the load he carries around and the little air he is allowed to breathe?? Give the kid a break.

Here I go again with my sneezing…well, hope it’s just a common cold !!

A Thing Of Beauty Is Indeed A Joy Forever

I had gone to a couple of temples near Tumkur on Friday. Frankly, I was not looking forward to the journey, given that it is on one of the few dreaded highways known for its notorious traffic jams. But the gods were smiling on us and we sailed through.


First we went to a Lakshmi temple in a place called Goravanahalli. I was pleasantly surprised to see how clean the place was, considering it’s a very famous temple around that area. The goddess there is said to be self originated. Throngs of people queued to get a glimpse of her. I was looking around and admiring the place when my eyes met those of an elderly lady, approaching me with a beaming smile. I started to smile and then got skeptical and managed to give her a half smile. Now, anyone who has visited temples of tourist interest or pilgrimages around India will understand my skepticism.

We have taken a lot of measures to attract tourists but we have been unable to curb those things which will drive them away. Any such places you go to, you find these ‘lurkers’. Yes, pretty much like the ones who take over your slot machines at a casino. These people lurk in the shadows of hotels and temples, waiting for their prey, which might just be you! They wait and watch you, much like a butcher trying to pick the hen which seems to promise the juiciest meat. Are you the type who believes that ‘if you have it, flaunt it’? You might want to think again. Stash away all your hi design’s and louis vuitton’s and blackberry's as far under your bed as possible, before you step out. What do they know about brands, you may think. You forget that this is their profession. They con people into buying things and rituals which they may have never even heard of. Now, to do this they need to know if you are loaded enough to pay them and they study such give away signs. Thrusting your designer bags or wallets on their face is not going to help your case. (Also, you might want to be less generous with the perfume you sprinkle on.. not that it has anything to do with this but overwhelming scents in queues just annoy me) Once they have zeroed in on you they check how approachable you are. Whoever said ‘a smile costs nothing’ has apparently never visited such places. It will cost you a hand and a foot and some more! So dont let those compliments of you having a winning smile go to your head, it might work against you in this situation.

Coming back to the elderly lady, well, apparently she didn’t have any such hidden agendas and was just being friendly (a welcome change). From there, we moved on to Devarayana Durga. The temples here sit on a small hillock a few kilometers away. The drive up the place was refreshing, to say the least. The surroundings were very serene and the untouched beauty around, almost lull you into a meditative state of mind. The road up is narrow but well laid. Though a sleepy little village is tucked away somewhere atop the hill, you never get a clue of its existence from the empty roads, with jus an occasional bus or cowherd passing you by. There are two Narasimha temples there, one on a plateau on the hill and the other at the peak. The temples are mostly built with unpolished granite and have an old world charm to them, which the marble lavished temples of the city fail to provide. For those who have time on hand, there is a pathway to climb up the hill, which looked like a sketch right out of a story book, flanked by trees and flowering plants on either side. All of a sudden I had a strange sensation, the air seems funny I thought in panic, was I developing an allergy? Pollen perhaps? Only to realize a few seconds later, that it was because the air was fresh and pollution free and I had forgotten how that feels. I took in deep breaths to give some relief to my dust lined lungs. The staircase leading up to the temple, has been cleverly designed to wind into the hollows between the rocks and it makes you feel closer to nature. Once up the hill, the view is breathtaking.

There are most certainly many places around India and even the world, which might have much better view points, but to my greenery starved eyes (given that Bangalore has become half bald, thanks to the metro) pollution irritated nostrils(courtesy-a million cars and still counting) and tired eardrums( from all the incessant honking) this lush, pollution free, serene place was paradise, for that moment.

I, Me and Media

Media - something which always fascinates me. It serves the very instinctive human need- satisfying one’s curiosity. I have a lot of respect for curiosity, after all that’s what has brought us this far. Curious souls have given us the world that it is today- a world with electricity, aero planes, mobile phones, television, internet and my personal favourite, Google!


All curiosity does not serve such constructive purposes, though. And this type of curiosity is what is very common among people and which is supporting a billion dollar industry- Media. This industry has come a long way. Newspapers started with publishing news about politics and crime, and this was enough for people to discuss over their daily dose of caffeine. Then came movies, and along with it the movie stars with their glamorous lifestyles and everyone wanted to know what they were up to. Thus started magazines. People then got bored of just reading and wanted some visuals to entertain them. Advancement in technology has only helped add fuel to this fire of curiosity.This has created two kinds of monsters. Media hungry and Media obsessed. Before you nod your consent to that, let me add, that you are part of it too, just like I am, of the second category.

Somehow only the media hungry guys have earned a bad name. What about us? Everyone readily criticizes a Rakhi Sawant and her antics to grab attention, but don’t realize she exists because of us. We are curious to know what she did or said, so that we can haughtily declare our verdict about her. And guess who is having the last laugh; she is, on the way to her bank! “All the world's a stage” said Shakespeare, little did he know that’s literally what we were planning on making it. Now that connectivity is no more an issue, we can create drama wherever and whenever we want and its there for the world to watch. Tired of going to the zoo, we have decided to bring the zoo right inside our house, in the form of shows like Big Boss, where we get to see new creatures, caged away in a posh house, from the comfort of our cozy couch. These creatures behave no less than a cage of monkeys fighting and screeching away, over a bunch of bananas. Still better, they plot while a ring master sits outside, watching with an all- knowing smile, waiting to announce the twist (which I’m sorry to say is always predictable) Now with all this excitement who will go to the zoo?? No wonder the poor animals are becoming extinct, what with new creatures taking their place (is PETA listening??)

And then we have the news channel. A group of khadi clad individuals, tightly holding on to their mike (some times I doubt it’s even on) appear on your screen. They look grave and the atmosphere seems tense. Some are sifting through sheets in front of them and others are busy clicking away on their mouse, frowning. What could it be? You wonder with bated breath. The possibilities are limitless. Pakistan hit India?? Osama caught?? Petrol prices down by half?? As the last thought starts to bring a wistful smile on your face, a deep voice shakes you out of your fantasy land. Some actress has walked the red carpet badly dressed and marred the image of India!( God help my country!!) And this committee has got together, to discuss how often this has happened and how this can be avoided in the future. Bravo!

So you are not into television. Now, before you scoff at the ones who do watch all this and decide you don’t belong to this category, think again. Anyone who uses Orkut, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube and the zillion other networks, is no less obsessed. We are curious to know what people we know are doing and what they are saying to each other. We put up unnecessary details for the world to see and then curse the creepy stalker with beady eyes, who seems to know our every move (Oh gosh, I wonder how!) Make no mistake, I use them too and greatly appreciate their ability to help us stay connected, but it makes me think, wasn’t media meant to serve a higher and better purpose than just this?? Media has become a circus and we are the audience. Anything and everything has been allowed to make the headlines. If an eyewash marriage is in trouble, it seems important that half a day of television time is earmarked to dissect the situation and find out the reasons and the possible actions. If an actress is suffering from a headache, it has to make its way on to the front page of the newspaper.

This reminds me of a movie- The Truman Show. Who knows, something like that can become a reality. We may unknowingly be a part of a reality show, just like Jim Carrey in the movie. And the scary part is, we may be so engrossed in our virtual world that we may not even be able to tell the difference! Jaago Re!

Spirituality- The Babas and The Babus

Someone recently asked me what spirituality means to me. Spirituality is probably the most over rated and misused term in recent times. Everywhere you go; in buses, in trains, in flights; you see people, with grave expressions, clutching books, (which look intimidating by the mere thickness of its cover!) soaking in writings with such concentration and faith that you almost see, the soft golden glow of a Halo around their head!

Even though man has managed to recreate the big bang (albeit in a laboratory) he still seeks solace at the feet of a Baba. Thousands of people gather to get a glimpse of these self proclaimed enlightened souls. What do they seek from them? What makes a Baba so special? Is it his magical powers? Is it his ability to turn lead into gold?

Saints have existed since time immemorial. Clad in light clothing in freezing temperatures, surviving on Amla and fruits and some times going days without food; nobody seemed to pay much attention to them then, so why are they being built temples for now?

All said and done man is a creature, whose natural instinct is greed and dissatisfaction. The more he has, the more he wants. In this age of microwaves, people are used to getting things quickly and with minimum effort. With the kind of technological advances and astronomical amount of salaries being paid, people yearn to own the moon. No matter what they own, someone else always owns something bigger or better. So where does this end? How can a man be happy? This search of happiness and peace is what drives our babu’s to baba’s, who seem to have achieved it. People read ancient scriptures and writings and spend day and night trying to decipher them, hoping to solve the mystery of life, when what they seek is far simpler than they think.

Why are people in awe of these men? What do these men have that people seek to learn from them? The answer is simple- self control and determination. Everyone admires people with self control- right, from an actor who controls his or her diet for flawless physique, to a businessman who controls his desire to have fun, and stays focused on his work to make it to the top. All these people have desires, but they know how to control them. Some try to control their hunger and some their sleep and some their need to have fun. With so many temptations around, these people seem to have achieved that which we commoners probably lack.

Man must have determination, in other words spirit, to achieve fulfillment. It is also important that the mind and heart co operate with each other, so that he sticks to his course of action. In other words the mind and heart should have mutuality of goals. When combined it sums up spirituality. It is this simple truth of life that man needs to understand and master, which of course is easier said than done.

Business- Not As Usual

Business houses have long followed the customer centric approach and flourished.

Though it is a key contributor to success, the human resource factor should not be overlooked. Concentrating on pleasing the customers, companies have somewhere down the line neglected the most important resource, employees. Despite companies adopting various measures to retain employees there is a lot of brain drain. This could be because companies use measures which have proved effective in the past, but times are fast changing. In this space age, employees reach the final need in Maslows Need Hierarchy Theory, the self actualization need, very early in their career. Management should now not just focus on competition and customers but also give employees their due by adopting an employee centric approach; after all they owe their success to them!

A lot has been said and written about the growing stress levels among employees, especially in the IT sector, and its some times fatal consequences, but are enough measures taken to reduce it? In this ruthless world of hire and fire policies, are companies able to look beyond competitors and market share? Do they really care what an employee really wants?

Studies have shown that by doing what a person likes his stress levels can be reduced, that’s the reason people are commonly encouraged to take up some form of art they have interest in, in order to de-stress themselves. Maybe management should not just concentrate on KRA’s( Key Result Areas) and KPI’s( Key Performance Indicators) and give a little attention to KIA’s( Key Interest Areas) also. Companies have come up with various ways to identify employee’s competencies and mapping them for efficient performance but what they fail to understand is having a certain competency does not guarantee an outstanding performance in it if the person has no special interest in.

A very important part of training is learning, which requires active participation from the trainee and no amount of training will improve his competency if he has no interest in working on it as interest has a very profound and direct impact on learning. Employees may have interest in some area which may not be their strongest, but isn’t that what growth is all about, facing new and difficult challenges? With the fancy salaries being paid to employees they soon reach a point where money and perks alone fail to impress them and they want to explore their potential and work on things that interest and challenge them. By helping an employee pursue his interest the company will help him grow. By working on something of his interest an employee is more motivated and less stressed, which in turn helps him perform much better.

Of course, adopting this measure does not mean companies should quit identifying and developing employees’ core competencies and focus only on their area of interest, this should be an additional measure so an employee feels the company cares not only for its growth but also the growth of its employees. Companies also benefit manifold from this. The funds companies would spend on developing employees KIA’s would be significantly lower than the amount they would spend on recruitment due to attrition and providing training for the new recruits. In addition they would have a more versatile, loyal and satisfied workforce.