Unsolicited "Labour"

I was reading this article, where people were asked what it is, that they find only in India and not elsewhere in the world. Someone said istri wallas; someone said the ease with which you can become an entrepreneur and someone else spoke about how you can drop into anyone’s house without calling. One thing which came to my mind was, the beggars. They are found in other countries too, but the kind in India is a class apart.


Anywhere you go, there they are; on the road, in traffic signals, in parks, outside hotels. These people are very smart and know how to influence a person’s psyche. A visit to the temple is meant to rejuvenate our mind and give us positive vibes, but instead we are at the risk of being cursed for life, if we fail to drop a penny into the cups of the many beggars, neatly lined outside. They don’t have it easy though. Most people won’t contribute towards all the cups and facing such tough competition, they need to differentiate themselves. This calls for a mixture of good observation and some mind reading, with the help of which they come up with unique and customized threats, the fear of which coming true, will force a person to drop a penny.

Once you step out of the temple, you are still not rid of them. Seeing how lucrative this job is, these people train their kids right from a young age. The incorrigible munchkins raid parking lots, like little pirates out to get their loot. They lie right across a bike seat, refusing to get off until they are given money. They even lie on the road, in front of vehicles, like martyrs, refusing to budge. Like puppies they follow you around and harass you to the core. But the harassment we face, is still less as compared to the one faced by foreign tourists. Tugging at their clothes, grabbing their bags, pulling the flowers from their head, these people show, that they have indeed, evolved from monkeys.

You can’t even expect to enjoy a train ride peacefully. Once they enter, they will strategically seat themselves in the middle of each section, so that they can give all the people there, an equal share of their time. They keep waving their palms, juggling with change, in front of your nose. And if you try to look the other side, you will have the pleasure of feeling, creepy long fingers with dirty yellow nails, scratch your legs and hearing, a sinister hoarse whisper calling out to you. Now if that doesn’t psyche you enough to contribute, they have a plan B. Following them, appear a group of “singers”, carrying a harmonium. If you see them coming, you better run for cover (jumping off the train, is another option) Cats scratching their claws against the wall sound far more soothing than this loud, absolutely discordant, noisy group. In a bid to save your ear drums (and your sanity) you will finally have to give in and pay them off. And pay them off how! These arrogant people will not accept just any denomination of change. If given anything less than five rupees, they will give you such a look, that will make you feel like crawling under the seat, in shame.

I heard that a beggar here, touted as the richest beggar, has a monthly income of over a lakh and was even interviewed in some local news channel. Such is the status of a beggar in our country. Loads of money and no taxes. They live in seemingly broken down huts, which on the inside, is nothing less than a king’s castle, furnished with all the latest electronic gadgets. They also carry latest cell phones (they probably even have a caller support system, which would assist a distressed beggar, by giving him tips on how to harass money out of a particularly adamant ‘client’). Looking at how advanced and smart these people are and how they continuously train and sharpen their skill, I wouldn’t be surprised if they make it to the skilled workers list and soon become eligible for a visa. Well, Mr. Obama, I guess you have a new worry now.