Wedding (Warning!) Bells

When you look at engaged couples, they seem to be in a world of their own. With stars in their eyes, they have a faint smile lingering around their lips perennially and they stare blankly into space, probably thinking of their beloved. Later, you see the same couple, using each others photos for darts practice. So what happens in between? Well, the big fat Indian wedding happens, in between. Weddings are joyous occasions, well, at least for the people who attend it. For the bride and groom it’s more of an eye opener. Indian weddings, especially South Indian weddings, last a minimum of two days. The rituals are so designed, as to test the endurance and intentions of the boy and girl. What is the state of mind of a bride and groom on the day of their marriage?


In a north Indian wedding, the groom is made to sit on a bejeweled horse and taken to the venue of the wedding. The wedding party is led by a band to whose tunes the baraathis dance. The horse, though scrawny and wheezing under the weight of the groom, still provides a decent enough getaway, if the groom changes his mind. All he would have to do, is kick it once with his sharp tipped shoes and the horse will run for its (and the groom’s) life and wont stop, until it’s a safe distance away. Our south Indian grooms on the other hand, are not so fortunate. The horse is replaced by a car and this car is carefully picked from a vintage collection. If the groom imagines he can make a quick, James Bond style getaway in a slick new car, then he can kiss his dreams goodbye. The car chosen is more like Archie’s jalopy, which will run a few meters and then has to be pushed for the next few. Seated in this car, the groom is taken to a temple with all pomp and show, to seek the blessings of God (which he most definitely will need!)

While all this is happening, the bride is distracted with new clothes and jewellery, and she more than willingly bites the bait. Women love to dress up and what they love more, is when people compliment them (how else do you think the dude got her to agree for marriage?) Basking in all the attention, so engrossed are they in dressing and posing for photos, that they have no time to think what they are getting into. Once the groom is brought back from the temple, the customary plates with beetle leaves and nuts and fruits are exchanged and an official announcement of the marriage to take place is made.

On the second day, the bride and groom have to fast, till they officially become husband and wife. The groom, having slept little, owing to the pangs of panic in his stomach, already starts to feel a little dizzy. He is then forced into a dhoti, which is tied in a special style (pancha kacchum) separately wound around each leg. This uncomfortable style is deliberately chosen, for what comes next. He is handed an umbrella, a walking stick and a Bhagavad-Gita. The next ritual (kasi yatra), involves the groom pretending to leave without marrying, and his would be father-in- law, convincing him to return back and marry his daughter. This is the second and last chance the groom gets, to make a run for it. Panic now taking over, leaving all pretence behind, the groom tries to make a break for the gate. Using the walking stick as leverage, he tries to scramble ahead as quickly as possible, but unfortunately his attire hampers his speed and his father-in-law catches up with him very soon. As freedom calls out to him, he longingly gives it one last glance, before the firm hands of his father-in-law guide him back to the marriage hall. Oblivious to all this, the bride is busy blushing and giving the groom shy smiles.The bride and groom are then made to exchange garlands.They are then made to sit on the traditional swing and its gentle sway soothes his frayed nerves a little.

The marriage ceremony begins. The bride’s hair is adorned with fragrant flowers and she is decked with sparkling jewellery to match her glow. She is then draped in a nine yard sari(madisaar) which is tied in almost the same style as the groom’s dhoti. As she steps on to the dais and looks around, she realizes her posse has deserted her and she is no more the center of attention. Her heart sinking a little, she looks at the groom for some reassurance. The hyperventilating groom on the other hand, has problems of his own, as he is busy trying to steady his trembling hand, with which he is performing the rituals. The smoke from the fire burns her eyes and as tears start to flow, she looks at the groom for help. Romance now out of the window, the guy, who once looked like Ranbir Kapoor to her, now looks more like Shakti Kapoor. Horror stricken and confused she blinks her eyes to clear them and as she tries to clumsily(thanks to the sari) get off the dais, people appear out of nowhere and whisk her away for the kanyadaan. As she sits on her father’s lap and the sacred thread is tied around her neck (by a reluctant groom) amidst the noise of drums, both realize that their fate is now sealed. They then trudge around the fire, like martyrs, making the seven promises, while wondering how they had managed to get themselves into this.

Hunger having deserted them, they sit in front of their first meal for the day, forlorn and trapped, looking contemptuously at the people around them, who are now heartily congratulating each other, for having successfully ambushed these innocent victims, into holy matrimony. Ever seen the bride and groom at a reception? They stand five feet apart. Having lost the rose tinted glasses, through which they saw each other before marriage, they now experience the first after effect of marriage : an irrepressible desire to be single again.